TAO Journal Mission | Jespionne


Journal Entry June 2018

It’s eight o clock and I’m late to meet Olivia. I still haven’t even gotten my makeup done. One thing is for sure- she can wait. I want to look right for her, I want her to see how much of a difference these past couple of years has made! We both know that these will be the last few drinks we have before the stress of it all really kicks in. KKR, my old village and now this, all responsibilities pulling me apart and for someone with a lot of money, I sure can’t seem to hire someone to get all this done for me now can I?

I think I’ll hire a private assassin/investigator to take care of the job for me back in the mountains. Ha, I’m so tired I almost want to go through with that notion. I think I'll tell Olivia that and see the look on her face; that’d be my joke of the night.
I hate being a woman of my word. I hate that my family can’t decide to be people of their word. Sure, Olivia and I both lost our parents, but her parents didn’t get to choose the way they went out. My dad is somewhere covered by four walls, four walls with no art on the walls, no family portraits, nothing to show. To think that all of it can be wiped away. Sometimes I wonder if this was done on purpose, so I can center my focus now on something bigger than I ever imagined before.

But I got left with KKR in exchange, and whatever divine force is up there, so help me, you are really testing me. I wonder if I paint  the answers will show up on the canvas. There is a tugging at the very back of my stomach that tells me otherwise.

I wish I had my own little island, with just a few visitors, Olivia being one of them. My father thought he made life easy and all he's done is wear me out thin. There's even a little piece of me that’s still scared to go out there tonight. Walk amongst good civilians, civilians who I hope cannot recognize me, and should not recognize me, because I want to be like them a little, even if I know that’s the wrong thing to think or to say. I will never be like them. I was born just like them, out of nothing, but it’s funny how much money twisted it isn’t it?

I had better hurry if I want to catch Olivia in time; there's too much to discuss and too much on the line for me to feel bad about myself in my fifteen million dollar apartment. There’s that sense of humor still left in me, at least.
I can’t wait to make it back to the mountains sometime soon. I also can’t wait to have some good and proper Mapo Tofu, That’s the stuff I’ve been thinking about. My hunger is delaying me

Meena Jehan



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